


needing is one thing (getting's another)

by challaudaku



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/challaudaku/pseuds/challaudaku
Summary: “It’s my job. I’ll protect you from any storms as long as we’re alive.”Leaning into Sirius’ chest, Regulus closes his eyes. He knows, in his heart, that Sirius’ sentiment is true.He can’t ask for a better bigger brother.





	needing is one thing (getting's another)

**Author's Note:**

> for ana, because i used your headcanon of regulus and sirius curling up during thunderstorms
> 
> lol i’m sorry
> 
> thanks to audrey and vic for betaing!!
> 
> 1287 words, by google docs

 

_ 10. _

Sirius’ door is closed. Regulus can’t help but focus on the closed door and just wish it was opened. Over the course of this summer, Sirius has been spending less and less time outside of his room, instead holing himself up and not talking to anybody in his family.

Not talking to his parents is understandable, sure, but Regulus still wishes the  _ goddamn door was opened _ .

Doesn’t Sirius know that Regulus wanted to talk to him? Doesn’t Sirius know that Regulus doesn’t  _ care _ that Sirius is a Gryffindor?

All Regulus cares about is how Sirius is his brother.

All he wants is his big brother back.

… 

_ 11. _

Regulus goes into Slytherin. 

No one’s really surprised about his Sorting. No, the feeling is more of  _ relief _ . There’s one wayward Black. Two is  _ way _ too many.

Still, Regulus sort of wishes he wasn’t a Slytherin. All his cousins are in Slytherin.  _ All  _ of them. It’s slight overwhelming to be surrounded by all of them, all the time. 

In fact, the only person who’s related to Regulus that  _ isn’t _ in Slytherin is Sirius. Sirius hasn’t talked to Regulus  _ once _ since a simple ‘goodbye’ at the train station.

Except for a brief eye contact during Regulus’ Sorting, Sirius hasn’t made any effort to notice Regulus at all.

What did Regulus even do?

…

_ 14. _

Gone. Sirius is gone.

Regulus can hear the shouts coming from his parents. They’ve been like this more and more nowadays, usually because of Sirius.

There’s a hole in Regulus’ stomach, though, when he hears his mother tell his father — well,  _ shout _ at his father — that Sirius is gone.

What does that even mean? How can Sirius just be  _ gone? _

Regulus’ mind immediately goes to the worst option — Sirius must be  _ dead _ . That thought digs a pit in Regulus’ stomach and makes him feel sick.

He tries to push it away, though, because Sirius can’t be dead — his parents wouldn’t be so mad about it. Sirius is just…  _ gone _ .

When the yelling stops, Regulus sneaks out of his room, looking both ways for his parents. They’re nowhere to be seen, so Regulus takes the steps up to Sirius’ room and knocks on the door.

There’s no response. Regulus knocks again.

Usually Sirius answers Regulus’ knocks, no matter how annoyed the former is. They’re brothers, first and foremost. Besides, Sirius should know that it’s Regulus knocking; their parents wouldn’t bother knocking.

When there’s again no answer, Regulus calls Kreacher and asks him  _ where Sirius is _ .

Kreacher says the same thing Regulus’ parents were shouting about earlier — he’s gone. Except Kreacher elaborates:

Sirius ran away.

The news forms a lump in Regulus’ throat. It’s hard to swallow. 

Sirius ran away? That seems almost ridiculous.

At the same time, Regulus knew that if one of them were to run away, it would have been Sirius. Sirius  _ was _ the type to reject his family and leave everything behind.

Regulus hadn’t wanted either of them to leave each other.

…

_ 16. _

Regulus’ arm hurts.

It’s not just physical pain, though that  _ is _ part of it.

Regulus’ arm stings him, but it also makes his heart ache whenever he looks at it. He feels sick, as if he has an allergy to his arm.

Well, it’s more of an allergy to the tattoo on his arm.

Sixteen is really too young for a tattoo, in Regulus’ opinion. Yet here Regulus is, a tattoo of a skull and a snake emblazoned on his arm. It’s  _ really _ painful.

If Sirius was here, what would he say? 

Sirius would hate him, no doubt. Sirius had always hated their parents’ ideals. He probably didn’t always hate them, actually, but once he started to think for himself, he made it clear as to what he thought was right.

And, well, Regulus is scared that Sirius  _ is _ right.

What if what Regulus is following is wrong? What if it’s all wrong?

It’s too late for Regulus. That’s the truth. 

Tattoos are permanent. Regulus doesn’t really know all of the workings of his tattoo — a  _ Death Eater tattoo _ — but he’s pretty sure it’s more permanent than a regular tattoo. 

There’s no getting rid of his arm.

…

_ 17. _

Regulus doesn’t remember going into the bathroom.

Honestly, his entire week has been a blur. He can’t seem to put his head on straight, no matter how many times he’s tried.

Everything seems to be collapsing around him. Regulus knows that everything is fine, in truth. The only things collapsing are his opinions and his ideals.

Because Regulus isn’t sure if they’re right, and  _ that’s _ scaring him to the marrow of his bones.

His parents are the people he always looks up to. Well, that’s not true — Regulus had looked up to Sirius, too, except Regulus hasn’t seen or talked to Sirius in nearly three years _. _ How is he supposed to look up to someone he doesn’t know anymore?

All Regulus really remembers about Sirius’ ideals is that he thinks their parents are wrong. 

So what is he supposed to do, then? How is he supposed to know what to think if he doesn’t know what Sirius’ ideals are, and he just knows, deep down, that his parents are wrong, that  _ he’s _ wrong?

Regulus doesn’t remember going into the bathroom, but he’s in here now, and he’s crying. He can see himself in the mirror, and tears are pouring down his face. He tries to wipe them away with his sleeve, but more keep on coming.

A pit of shame forms in his stomach and his arm still hurts.

Merlin. He feels so weak. Why can’t he just figure out what’s right?

What is he supposed to think?

Maybe he should just stop thinking about what Sirius’ ideals are or what his parents think.

Maybe it’s time to think for himself.

…

_ 18. _

Regulus knows where Sirius lives.

It’s something he happened upon, really, but he’s sure that he just saw Sirius walk into an apartment in Muggle London. Regulus has been around the area, collecting items he’ll need for his one last mission, and he just  _ saw Sirius. _

Regulus wants to talk to him, except what would he say?

Besides, Sirius will  _ hate _ him. Maybe if Sirius knew that Regulus was probably about to kill himself to fight  _ against _ the Dark Lord…?

No, Sirius will still hate him; Regulus has a Dark Mark.

There’s a lot to hate.

At the same time, Regulus wants Sirius to help him with this. He wants Sirius to tell him that everything is going to be okay. He wants Sirius to tell him that he shouldn’t go through with this at all.

He just wants Sirius to be his big brother again.

…

_ 6. _

_ It’s thundering outside. _

_ It’s thundering and raining, and lightning flashes past Regulus’ bedroom window, nearly scaring him to death. _

_ Grabbing his blanket off of his bed, Regulus ventures into the hallway, walking up to Sirius’ bedroom. He only has to knock once for Sirius to open the door. _

_ “I don’t like the storm,” he whispers, looking up into his older brother’s eyes. Sirius, nearly two years Regulus’ elder, looks down at him softly. _

_ “You can sleep in my room tonight,” he offers. Regulus smiles at Sirius and walks in, climbing up onto Sirius’ bed. _

_ “Thanks, Sirius,” Regulus says, curling up into his blanket. _

_ “I’m your big brother,” Sirius says, also climbing up onto the bed and wrapping Regulus in a hug. “It’s my job. I’ll protect you from any storms as long as we’re alive.” _

_ Leaning into Sirius’ chest, Regulus closes his eyes. He knows, in his heart, that Sirius’ sentiment is true. _

_ He can’t ask for a better bigger brother. _


End file.
